and so it begins...

Spring is here. I am sneezing like mad, and going nuts because the flower are so gorgeous and I can only produce mucus to show my pleasure.

Spring tends to also kill my ability to think straight (ha ha ha, yeah, I know) about anything. All day today I day dreamed about the most fantastical things. I mean, forget the soap operas, I dreamed up my own juicy stories! Of course, it helped that we were slow today. Once the flowers bloom and the sun starts to shine through the dense clouds, my imagination starts to overwork and create imaginary feelings or secret wantings. I am trying to monitor it and make sure that I don't go overboard with my imagination. But it feels so good to get that little sensory back in my life. It has been dead lately, and I have been missing that pure adrenaline when the clouds seem to surround my peripherals.


And then there is Summer. Where I have known to lose all inhibition and start taking off clothes out of desire and pure hatred of sweaty garments. That does not involve imagination but pure action. I have been known to lose a many of things during this time of year, especially when my hormones started to come in at fifteen. I tend to stay indoors because of this.

My mantra for this year: I do not need society's idea of happiness. I do not need society's idea of happiness. I am fulfilled in many ways without a partner in my life, and that is how it will stay. Some people say that is just giving up and not letting life in; I say it is accepting something that has been the hardest to accept. My fear of being alone has encompassed my life since I realized the existence of romantic love. After years of thinking that I was too ugly for people, too annoying for people, or just too something (fill in the blank), I am happy just saying that I am good enough for me.

It feels so fucking good. Just tell that to my over-working imagination and sensory-driven/passion-wanting mind.

And so I heal it all with some Amie love and The Office. Oh yeah.