2nd year of Stitches West. A knitting expo (fancy word for convention) in Santa Clara. Even though I knew what to expect, I am overwhelmed with the visuals.
Yarn.
YARN.
AND MORE YARN!!!!!
Must now collapse from exhaustion and overwhelming possibilities.
The travails and gallavantings of an Asian queer lady who loves to read, write, and create havoc.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Where It All Falls Into Place
I GOT INTO SAN JOSE STATE UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, enough screaming. :)
I am now an official Graduate Student for Library Sciences. I don't have to say, "I'm still waiting..." or "I may be getting into..." No. I AM a graduate student in Library Sciences. And it feels GRREEEAAAAATTTT!
Ever since October, I have constantly been saying, "I am putting my life back into order." And ever since then I have been taking care of me; I have nursed myself out of a nervous breakdown and won the battle. It just has not shown in true physical results. I had a lot of naysayers that say I am just sitting on my laurels. They keep telling me that I am lazy (hmmm...wonder who they could be?). But I told them, "Patience. You will see." I had to keep telling myself, "Patience. You will see. This is good." And I did. I had patience. That's what I have been learning through this whole entire adventure is patience. And because I waited patiently for the results, I found that the results are everything that I have imagined it could be.
Because I waited, I am:
1.) going back to school for my graduate degree
2.) going to work at the library (cross your fingers still! I only found out that the test is the ONLY thing they are "grading" me now. Before it was 50% written 50% oral. Now it's all written. Which is good because I rocked that test).
3.) lost 12 lbs in one month.
and 4.) not going to give up on my dating life and be a hermit.
Okay, the fourth one I am still working patience on. I just found out that the tea date girl isn't as interested with me as I am with her. I am too feminine looking for her. But we had a good rapport, so I am hoping we can still be friends. The thing that I didn't like is the first thing that I thought was, "God, that means I'm too ugly." And I don't want to think that. And I instantly wanted to blame myself and say, "To hell to this vicious dating world." But I'm not. I am going to stand up to this impatient person in me and say, "Patience! You will see." And, yes, I know I will have more results if I stop "looking". But that doesn't mean someone will fall into my lap in my room randomly one day. I have to be active. I am not going to go to clubs and hook up with everyone. I am just going to have patience; someone is out there that can handle ME. :)
And that's what I'm holding on to. I don't want to be sad that I'm too feminine for someone. I want to be happy that I was smart enough to get into San Jose State. I want to be happy that I am finally getting my life back together. So that is what I will be happy about.
Yaaaaayyyy!!!!!!! :-D
Yay!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, enough screaming. :)
I am now an official Graduate Student for Library Sciences. I don't have to say, "I'm still waiting..." or "I may be getting into..." No. I AM a graduate student in Library Sciences. And it feels GRREEEAAAAATTTT!
Ever since October, I have constantly been saying, "I am putting my life back into order." And ever since then I have been taking care of me; I have nursed myself out of a nervous breakdown and won the battle. It just has not shown in true physical results. I had a lot of naysayers that say I am just sitting on my laurels. They keep telling me that I am lazy (hmmm...wonder who they could be?). But I told them, "Patience. You will see." I had to keep telling myself, "Patience. You will see. This is good." And I did. I had patience. That's what I have been learning through this whole entire adventure is patience. And because I waited patiently for the results, I found that the results are everything that I have imagined it could be.
Because I waited, I am:
1.) going back to school for my graduate degree
2.) going to work at the library (cross your fingers still! I only found out that the test is the ONLY thing they are "grading" me now. Before it was 50% written 50% oral. Now it's all written. Which is good because I rocked that test).
3.) lost 12 lbs in one month.
and 4.) not going to give up on my dating life and be a hermit.
Okay, the fourth one I am still working patience on. I just found out that the tea date girl isn't as interested with me as I am with her. I am too feminine looking for her. But we had a good rapport, so I am hoping we can still be friends. The thing that I didn't like is the first thing that I thought was, "God, that means I'm too ugly." And I don't want to think that. And I instantly wanted to blame myself and say, "To hell to this vicious dating world." But I'm not. I am going to stand up to this impatient person in me and say, "Patience! You will see." And, yes, I know I will have more results if I stop "looking". But that doesn't mean someone will fall into my lap in my room randomly one day. I have to be active. I am not going to go to clubs and hook up with everyone. I am just going to have patience; someone is out there that can handle ME. :)
And that's what I'm holding on to. I don't want to be sad that I'm too feminine for someone. I want to be happy that I was smart enough to get into San Jose State. I want to be happy that I am finally getting my life back together. So that is what I will be happy about.
Yaaaaayyyy!!!!!!! :-D
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tea Dates Are Always The Best
While perusing the Craigslist's women seeking women page, I found a very nice posting. Of course, that is a rare thing because most of the time, these cliquey lesbian sluts are always wanting to know where you are hanging, where you want to meet up for some nookie, or where you hang your hat on the proverbial Kinsey scale. So when you read a very nice post of someone that truly connects with you, you have to answer it. Of course, there is a small percentage that the person will write you back and then want to meet up with you.
I was the lucky percentile.
Now, I didn't have much hope for this tea date (we met at a tea bar in Oakland, so it wasn't truly a coffee date, but still). I figured, we may clash. We may have those very awkward silences. She may be weird. She may think me weird (which is always the case). But I figured it would be fun to go out on a limb to do, and see where it goes.
Let me tell you, I have not talked to someone for almost two hours straight in a very long time. There were barely any silences. When there were pauses, it was because we were busy chewing pistachio nuts or mochi. And let me tell you, she's smart. She is amazingly smart. Maybe smarter then me. And she is interracial, which is what got us going for a pretty long time. And did I tell you that she is smart and well-read? And gorgeous. She is absolutely gorgeous.
Of course, we couldn't stay at the tea bar forever. She had to go to a movie with her brother. But it was hard to not stop talking. We exchanged numbers. She walked me to my car. Then I may have been a little weird because I can never know how to end a conversation. We hugged (because I'm weird and said I was a huggy person). Then said we should do this again. Then she walked away.
But because I am me, I am freaking out. I am remembering parts of the conversation that I thought I sounded extremely stupid or unknowledgeable. Remembering parts where I was probably giving off my Weirdo vibes. And then I think, "Maybe she was too polite to stop the conversation." Or maybe she was just being nice when she asked for my number. Maybe...oh my, how my brain plays tricks on me.
So now I am in limbo. Should I call her? When should I call her? When should we do this again? My weekends will be non-stop for the next three weeks. Should we meet on the week? Should we meet at all? Should we exchange emails even though we have our phone numbers? What is the next step? I've never gone this far!
Help!
I was the lucky percentile.
Now, I didn't have much hope for this tea date (we met at a tea bar in Oakland, so it wasn't truly a coffee date, but still). I figured, we may clash. We may have those very awkward silences. She may be weird. She may think me weird (which is always the case). But I figured it would be fun to go out on a limb to do, and see where it goes.
Let me tell you, I have not talked to someone for almost two hours straight in a very long time. There were barely any silences. When there were pauses, it was because we were busy chewing pistachio nuts or mochi. And let me tell you, she's smart. She is amazingly smart. Maybe smarter then me. And she is interracial, which is what got us going for a pretty long time. And did I tell you that she is smart and well-read? And gorgeous. She is absolutely gorgeous.
Of course, we couldn't stay at the tea bar forever. She had to go to a movie with her brother. But it was hard to not stop talking. We exchanged numbers. She walked me to my car. Then I may have been a little weird because I can never know how to end a conversation. We hugged (because I'm weird and said I was a huggy person). Then said we should do this again. Then she walked away.
But because I am me, I am freaking out. I am remembering parts of the conversation that I thought I sounded extremely stupid or unknowledgeable. Remembering parts where I was probably giving off my Weirdo vibes. And then I think, "Maybe she was too polite to stop the conversation." Or maybe she was just being nice when she asked for my number. Maybe...oh my, how my brain plays tricks on me.
So now I am in limbo. Should I call her? When should I call her? When should we do this again? My weekends will be non-stop for the next three weeks. Should we meet on the week? Should we meet at all? Should we exchange emails even though we have our phone numbers? What is the next step? I've never gone this far!
Help!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I Am The Eggman...
Finally saw "Across the Universe". Love it. Reminded me of how much I love the Beatles. It also brought me back to when my sister and I would constantly watch "The Yellow Submarine". My parents had taped it off the TV, and so it became one of our childhood movies. Will do a review for CCL once I have a little bit more time to do point by point stuff.
Although Tuesday is usually my day off, I came in because my supervisor was out for her birthday. It was a good thing because we got stuff done, and it made up for the holiday on Monday (I don't get paid holidays). Unfortunately, one of my coworkers were sick and has now contaminated both my cubicle mate and me. Both she and I were complaining of hackiness and sore throats today. Let me tell you I will be very happy that tomorrow is my day off.
I've been in search of a good Book Club in the area. I miss talking about books and examining every faucet of characterization, plots, and etc. But the one that I was going to join (they even picked my book) keeps wanting to meet up in San Francisco. Now, I don't mind going into San Francisco. It's just that they want to meet up at 7:30 at night, and they want to meet up in an area that involves BART and MUNI. I don't mind BART. It's MUNI that I hate. I could drive, but then that would add more hours to get there and more pain in my ass. I did email the leader asking if we could meet up at a place that is close to BART. She has not responded. I am guessing that's a no. Well, then, I will move on. I found another another one in Berkeley that is finishing up Virginia Woolf's "The Waves". I would have loved to have joined THAT conversation, but that would mean I would have to finish a 400 page book by next week. I used to be fast, but I don't have the time. So I am going to start the club with a new book. I am excited to see what they will start now, since they chose one of my favorite writers.
I will conquer my Netflix list...I will conquer my Netflix list...I will conquer my Netflix list. I just got "Yentl" yesterday. :) So tonight I plan to have some yummy brown rice pasta with portabella mushrooms, spinach, and a little bit of olive oil, and watch Barbra Streisand try to become a rabbi. Mmmm. Fun times.
Although Tuesday is usually my day off, I came in because my supervisor was out for her birthday. It was a good thing because we got stuff done, and it made up for the holiday on Monday (I don't get paid holidays). Unfortunately, one of my coworkers were sick and has now contaminated both my cubicle mate and me. Both she and I were complaining of hackiness and sore throats today. Let me tell you I will be very happy that tomorrow is my day off.
I've been in search of a good Book Club in the area. I miss talking about books and examining every faucet of characterization, plots, and etc. But the one that I was going to join (they even picked my book) keeps wanting to meet up in San Francisco. Now, I don't mind going into San Francisco. It's just that they want to meet up at 7:30 at night, and they want to meet up in an area that involves BART and MUNI. I don't mind BART. It's MUNI that I hate. I could drive, but then that would add more hours to get there and more pain in my ass. I did email the leader asking if we could meet up at a place that is close to BART. She has not responded. I am guessing that's a no. Well, then, I will move on. I found another another one in Berkeley that is finishing up Virginia Woolf's "The Waves". I would have loved to have joined THAT conversation, but that would mean I would have to finish a 400 page book by next week. I used to be fast, but I don't have the time. So I am going to start the club with a new book. I am excited to see what they will start now, since they chose one of my favorite writers.
I will conquer my Netflix list...I will conquer my Netflix list...I will conquer my Netflix list. I just got "Yentl" yesterday. :) So tonight I plan to have some yummy brown rice pasta with portabella mushrooms, spinach, and a little bit of olive oil, and watch Barbra Streisand try to become a rabbi. Mmmm. Fun times.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
These Days Are Made Of This
I may have had a little bit too much Toasted Head Chardonnay. I remember movies...Wii Bowling...and Frasier. And the consumption of a lot of Indian food and low calorie Red Velvet cupcakes. But that's all.
But, let me tell you, it was fun. Best Valentine's Day ever.
I finally found my favorite Childhood picture book . The only thing I could remember was the front cover. I mean, how could you forget this picture? I also remembered the story: a motherless child escaping her evil father and an ogre of a husband (really, he was an ogre) to then capture a prince's heart by making three distinct dresses. The thing is, I could never remember the title. I used to own it, but because of pure Motherly ways it was given away. Ever since, I have been in quest for this book.
You know how I found it? While shelving the Children's Library yesterday. The library was swamped with patrons (they were closed on Thursday for Lincoln's birthday), so I figured I would do the things I do know rather then pester the Coordinator with things to do. I did the DVDS and then went along and found a huge cart of picture books that needed to be shelved. So, I went away and shelved. After much crouching, bending, and pushing, I got to the H's. And found this lovely little gem. I really wanted to read it right then and there, but had to shelve it because I'm a good little volunteer shelver. But let me tell you, I was extremely ecstatic to find it! Must go and find it in a bookstore and buy it. Because I will never be without this gem again.
What is interesting is reading the description of the book. It's a modern-day story of Cinderella. I always thought it was an inventive new fairy tale. The description described it as a modern-day story of Cinderella that "taught women to be self-sufficient." As I read that, I looked up dramatically (I really do that) and thought, "So that's how I became who I am!" Forget the fact that I grew up in a matriarchal family with a strong-willed mother. It was this book!
It's just a theory...
This weekend looks to be shaping up to be a very nice weekend. The rain. The wine. The food. The sleep. All good.
But, let me tell you, it was fun. Best Valentine's Day ever.
You know how I found it? While shelving the Children's Library yesterday. The library was swamped with patrons (they were closed on Thursday for Lincoln's birthday), so I figured I would do the things I do know rather then pester the Coordinator with things to do. I did the DVDS and then went along and found a huge cart of picture books that needed to be shelved. So, I went away and shelved. After much crouching, bending, and pushing, I got to the H's. And found this lovely little gem. I really wanted to read it right then and there, but had to shelve it because I'm a good little volunteer shelver. But let me tell you, I was extremely ecstatic to find it! Must go and find it in a bookstore and buy it. Because I will never be without this gem again.
What is interesting is reading the description of the book. It's a modern-day story of Cinderella. I always thought it was an inventive new fairy tale. The description described it as a modern-day story of Cinderella that "taught women to be self-sufficient." As I read that, I looked up dramatically (I really do that) and thought, "So that's how I became who I am!" Forget the fact that I grew up in a matriarchal family with a strong-willed mother. It was this book!
It's just a theory...
This weekend looks to be shaping up to be a very nice weekend. The rain. The wine. The food. The sleep. All good.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
20 Things I Want In A Lover
Last of the trilogy of my love life
1. Someone older then me. Because I'm finding people my age are just not able to handle me. Or I can't handle them.
2. Someone who can be honest about themselves. Or be honest to me. That way we can cut all the usual bullshit.
3. Someone who isn't uptight about enjoying life, but doesn't mind being a homebody more often then not.
4. Knows words longer then four letters.
5. Can coherently talk about politics, and be able to argue with me about them. And then admit that I am right (or vice versa...)
6. Someone who understands the idea of returning a god damn message. Or email. Or anything.
7. Someone who understands the idea that when you agree to get to know someone, you actually...get to know someone.
8. Someone who doesn't push me away the minute any type of intimacy is going on.
9. Someone who likes to hug.
10. Someone who likes to kiss.
11. Someone who can be able to be in a group of people without having seizures.
12. Someone who can enjoy my craziness for one minute, and then be able to calm me down the next.
13. Someone who could handle my parents. As in, actually get my mother to like them.
14. Someone who can hold me for hours when I just need that connection with humanity.
15. Someone who can leave me alone when I just need some angsty me time.
16. Who understands that my friends and family are my life.
17. They understand that when they open that can of worms, they know that we are going to have to talk about it or I will go absolutely, utterly insane.
18. They can keep their word, and actually be able to stay to it.
19. Knows that life can work without drama. It's a great thing.
And last but not least...
20. Someone who understands that I am all emotion and heart, and knows that if you say something to me, I will keep it to heart. Keep it so close that when you then contradict yourself I will get hurt. Especially when it involves feelings. Because I am that emotional. And I don't like being told one thing, then constantly be strung along after. I don't like it.
...This list will obviously change through time.
1. Someone older then me. Because I'm finding people my age are just not able to handle me. Or I can't handle them.
2. Someone who can be honest about themselves. Or be honest to me. That way we can cut all the usual bullshit.
3. Someone who isn't uptight about enjoying life, but doesn't mind being a homebody more often then not.
4. Knows words longer then four letters.
5. Can coherently talk about politics, and be able to argue with me about them. And then admit that I am right (or vice versa...)
6. Someone who understands the idea of returning a god damn message. Or email. Or anything.
7. Someone who understands the idea that when you agree to get to know someone, you actually...get to know someone.
8. Someone who doesn't push me away the minute any type of intimacy is going on.
9. Someone who likes to hug.
10. Someone who likes to kiss.
11. Someone who can be able to be in a group of people without having seizures.
12. Someone who can enjoy my craziness for one minute, and then be able to calm me down the next.
13. Someone who could handle my parents. As in, actually get my mother to like them.
14. Someone who can hold me for hours when I just need that connection with humanity.
15. Someone who can leave me alone when I just need some angsty me time.
16. Who understands that my friends and family are my life.
17. They understand that when they open that can of worms, they know that we are going to have to talk about it or I will go absolutely, utterly insane.
18. They can keep their word, and actually be able to stay to it.
19. Knows that life can work without drama. It's a great thing.
And last but not least...
20. Someone who understands that I am all emotion and heart, and knows that if you say something to me, I will keep it to heart. Keep it so close that when you then contradict yourself I will get hurt. Especially when it involves feelings. Because I am that emotional. And I don't like being told one thing, then constantly be strung along after. I don't like it.
...This list will obviously change through time.
Monday, February 9, 2009
S.A.D.
I guess I'm writing a series about my love life...huh, anyway.
Being one of those singles who don't have a honey to spend Saturday with, I have been thinking of fun things to do while everyone pairs up.
1. Movie marathon! Now I can do this outside the house and finally watch the movies that I haven't gotten around to watch. Or I can stay home in my fuzzy wuzzy pajamas with lots of chocolate and watch my old romantic comedy movies. I've done that many of times though and I want to do something different.
2. Travel! I've been missing my Northern country lately, and have been craving some hippie-feeling, nature-loving sensibilities. But that means I would be out all day, and I won't be able to afford staying at a motel. That means I will be driving all day. Do I really want to do that? If it is worth it. Especially if it involves some champagne and gay fun in Guerneville, and then some yummy Women power in Sebastopol.
3. Hang out with some other single friends. Wait...never mind, I don't really have any that live around here.
4. Eat lots of cookie dough and call it an Off Plan day. Mmmmmmmmm....cookies.
5. Go to a bar and drink lots of Chardonnay. Mmmmmm.
6. Enjoy a good book.
7. Drink lots of wine at home, then cruise Craigslist.com like a weirdo.
8. Do the above, but then start prank calling all of my friends who are trying to enjoy the day.
9. Do nothing.
10. Kiss a girl and actually like it!
Anyway...I think I will do either one or two. I'm leaning more towards traveling because I just need to get out. I've been wanting to enjoy some time by myself, and this is perfect time.
We will see. We will see.
Being one of those singles who don't have a honey to spend Saturday with, I have been thinking of fun things to do while everyone pairs up.
1. Movie marathon! Now I can do this outside the house and finally watch the movies that I haven't gotten around to watch. Or I can stay home in my fuzzy wuzzy pajamas with lots of chocolate and watch my old romantic comedy movies. I've done that many of times though and I want to do something different.
2. Travel! I've been missing my Northern country lately, and have been craving some hippie-feeling, nature-loving sensibilities. But that means I would be out all day, and I won't be able to afford staying at a motel. That means I will be driving all day. Do I really want to do that? If it is worth it. Especially if it involves some champagne and gay fun in Guerneville, and then some yummy Women power in Sebastopol.
3. Hang out with some other single friends. Wait...never mind, I don't really have any that live around here.
4. Eat lots of cookie dough and call it an Off Plan day. Mmmmmmmmm....cookies.
5. Go to a bar and drink lots of Chardonnay. Mmmmmm.
6. Enjoy a good book.
7. Drink lots of wine at home, then cruise Craigslist.com like a weirdo.
8. Do the above, but then start prank calling all of my friends who are trying to enjoy the day.
9. Do nothing.
10. Kiss a girl and actually like it!
Anyway...I think I will do either one or two. I'm leaning more towards traveling because I just need to get out. I've been wanting to enjoy some time by myself, and this is perfect time.
We will see. We will see.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
My Love Life
The best symbol to describe my love life is a circular labyrinth. I'm always trying to figure out how to get to the middle where I will reach enlightenment. Or the big centaur that will eat me. I am always continuously going up and then down through mazes. Of course, it is not fruitless. I always learn things on the way as I solve one puzzle at a time. I just never get to my destination.
This time around I thought I may have found a little respite. Not the grand prize, but maybe a little sanctuary on the way. But once I was going up, of course I had to go down. I'm not sure if it was me or her, but it's been a frustrating week.
I might have been a little "clingy". When it comes to my interest, I like to get to know someone. And in order to get to know someone I like to poke them or write to them in email or want to know what they are up to. I don't want to be around them all the time, but I like some contact. I may have smothered her, but at least I wasn't calling her two million times in a day. I actually didn't do that at all. But I could see why I may have been a little...clingy.
But at the same time, she shouldn't have said she was interested to then run to the hills. From the very beginning, she was always running. When she told me she was interested, she then ran away and wouldn't talk about it until the next day. Then when we decided to see where it would go, wouldn't the obvious thought be to get to know the person? But it was the opposite for her: she then removed herself away from the situation and then kept me at a distance. I think she even insinuated to me on Facebook to leave her alone (of course, it could be my brain saying it, but it really feels like she meant "Go away, not interested anymore!"). Even when I finally broke down and text messaged her about the email I sent her, she said she didn't check her emails and it is probably there. Then no response. Nothing. Hmmm, I may be slow but that definitely tells me that she's not interested.
So again, I am where I was before. Maybe a little bit more knowledgeable, but still at the same curve of my labyrinth. I am actually really liking this spot. It feels normal and comfortable. I'm not lonely and I'm not unhappy. I am happy with where I am. I don't need to be with someone in order to be with someone. I do wish that I could get to the center of my maze, but in the end I would rather be happy then figure out what is in the middle.
And, really, it may end up being a big centaur that will eat me up. And you and I wouldn't want that.
Edit: Oh my, an email can change everything. This is all confusing...but then again, most things are confusing...
We will see what will happen what the labyrinth will give this time.
This time around I thought I may have found a little respite. Not the grand prize, but maybe a little sanctuary on the way. But once I was going up, of course I had to go down. I'm not sure if it was me or her, but it's been a frustrating week.
I might have been a little "clingy". When it comes to my interest, I like to get to know someone. And in order to get to know someone I like to poke them or write to them in email or want to know what they are up to. I don't want to be around them all the time, but I like some contact. I may have smothered her, but at least I wasn't calling her two million times in a day. I actually didn't do that at all. But I could see why I may have been a little...clingy.
But at the same time, she shouldn't have said she was interested to then run to the hills. From the very beginning, she was always running. When she told me she was interested, she then ran away and wouldn't talk about it until the next day. Then when we decided to see where it would go, wouldn't the obvious thought be to get to know the person? But it was the opposite for her: she then removed herself away from the situation and then kept me at a distance. I think she even insinuated to me on Facebook to leave her alone (of course, it could be my brain saying it, but it really feels like she meant "Go away, not interested anymore!"). Even when I finally broke down and text messaged her about the email I sent her, she said she didn't check her emails and it is probably there. Then no response. Nothing. Hmmm, I may be slow but that definitely tells me that she's not interested.
So again, I am where I was before. Maybe a little bit more knowledgeable, but still at the same curve of my labyrinth. I am actually really liking this spot. It feels normal and comfortable. I'm not lonely and I'm not unhappy. I am happy with where I am. I don't need to be with someone in order to be with someone. I do wish that I could get to the center of my maze, but in the end I would rather be happy then figure out what is in the middle.
And, really, it may end up being a big centaur that will eat me up. And you and I wouldn't want that.
Edit: Oh my, an email can change everything. This is all confusing...but then again, most things are confusing...
We will see what will happen what the labyrinth will give this time.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
On A Happier Note...
I don't really follow "American Idol". But so far I've enjoyed some of the winners. Like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood.
I think I may have found another one. Or maybe I just love this song...
Will This Crush Go Away?
Mmm...yummy song.
I think I may have found another one. Or maybe I just love this song...
Will This Crush Go Away?
Mmm...yummy song.
Hmmm..wow
I finally Youtubed Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl...". Everyone kept telling me that I would love the song, and oh my goodness I should listen to it!
Yeah. Um. Sure.
See Video Here
The song is nice. But the video shows even more what Katy Perry truly feels about kissing a girl. She is dancing around with all the pretty women, and she is having fun. But at the end it's all a dream and she wakes up mortified? Then looks at her boyfriend and is relieved?
How is that liking kissing girls? How?
Shows how much our world will never change. We will always be scared to explore new horizons, and the unknown. And we will never accept the fact that, heaven forbid, women like kissing girls and liking it.
And they won't have to worry about their boyfriends would mind.
Yeah. Um. Sure.
See Video Here
The song is nice. But the video shows even more what Katy Perry truly feels about kissing a girl. She is dancing around with all the pretty women, and she is having fun. But at the end it's all a dream and she wakes up mortified? Then looks at her boyfriend and is relieved?
How is that liking kissing girls? How?
Shows how much our world will never change. We will always be scared to explore new horizons, and the unknown. And we will never accept the fact that, heaven forbid, women like kissing girls and liking it.
And they won't have to worry about their boyfriends would mind.
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Kinks of It All
I work as a part-time Office Assistant at a corporate law office. I've only been working there for only four months, but so far I've enjoyed it immensely. With any job though, there are always one complaint.
Well, okay, FOR ME, there is always one complaint.
I do enjoy this job. Trust me, after my fiasco with my last job this job is heaven. I do wish that I was full time, but I have as much hours as I could to be full time. My attorney boss is an amazing woman. And the people that I work with are great to be around. I'm actually bonding with some of them over Weight Watchers.
I guess what truly bugs me is the fact that I have to be the bad guy. I've been told at my many other jobs that I am very observant, and I catch a lot of things that most people would not notice. It's a trait that has helped me in the three years of law. It will still be very handy when it comes to my library studies. The thing is that when I work with those who are completely oblivious, it's hard to not be the bad guy. The one that always foils the plans because I point out something that won't work. I am human and I do make mistakes on certain things, but I am always the one that points out the bad things that my time sharing partner or my supervisor will do.
Example: this Friday I was going through the Orders that were signed by the Judge. Policy is that we send the orders to our clients then close it and put it in our bottom cabinet drawer. Well, there was one folder that I couldn't find. Usually we put the files that still need signatures on the top shelf of our desk (Our = Jennifer (time sharing partner) and me. Yes, we share the same name). I couldn't find this particular one. I thought, "Oh, maybe we put it back on the active shelf by accident." Looked. Not there. Then I thought, "Oh, this may be a duplicate! Maybe it has already been closed!" I looked, and there it was! Now, of course the Anal Person in me had to check to make sure this was right. I mean, it doesn't hurt to check.
Apparently it does in my world. I found out that my time sharing partner closed the case with the wrong order. The order was for another financial institution. Not our's. And, of course, being the one that likes to point out mistakes (I was the pain in the ass that said, "Teacher! Teacher!" when I found a mistake), I went to Mary (my boss) and said, "Look!" Now, any boss would then go to my supervisor (my time sharing partner's aunt, mind you) and say, "Hey, this shouldn't be. Let's make sure we don't do this." Or maybe say, "Just to let you know, we don't keep these. We should really throw them away, unless I say so."
Not my boss. My wonderful, sweet boss said, "Oh, that is disturbing. You better tell Jasmin (my supervisor) this. Make sure she knows that we shouldn't keep these, and not to do this again."
Now I know Jasmin isn't that big of a fan of me. I mean, I'm the one that is slowly overpowering her niece's half of the job. Of course, it would help if she actually participated in the job. But I'm the one that took over the rest of Friday. The one that is slowly getting more responsibilities. I can't help it; I'm a perfectionist and must be good at my job. So, resentment ensues. So the fact that I then have to tell her things that I point out, instead of having the backing of Mary, just makes it worse.
I am the bad guy. And I just don't want to be. If I was in a managing position, then that would be all right. That would be part of my job. But I'm not that. I am an office mongrel at the bottom of the food chain. It's Jennifer and me, Jasmin, then Mary. It shouldn't be that I have to tell Jasmin what to do for her job. Just like I really shouldn't be telling my own equal that she needs to do her job (i.e. call our clients, set up telephonic appearences, making sure all motions get equal attention). That should be Jasmin's job. Just like pointing out errors that were found should be Mary's job.
This is the one and only time that I curse my observation skills. I don't want to be the bad guy. I just want to do my job and do it right. The thing is if I stop observing and stop pointing out things, our law firm loses money because we're not catching our mistakes. These are not tiny, insignificant mistakes. These are the ones that set back our ability to give our client the upmost care. Like today: we got a notice from the court that said our motion is being sent back because one of our documents had the wrong client on it. Guess who found that?
*points to self*
And when I was showing Jasmin, she said, "What, what is wrong? I don't see it?" I had to go to the document that had the wrong client name, then move to the next document that had the right client and point at it. It took her five minutes to realize it. I really am not exaggerating, it took her five minutes and me saying, "We put the wrong client in the document" for her to get it.
*sigh*
The thing is, Jasmin is not stupid. Jennifer is not stupid. Just...not as observant. And they're both so rushed when it comes to things. And I've learned that you can't rush things. If you rush, you make horrible mistakes. I've done pretty bad mistakes at this job because of rushing. You have to take your time, do the best that you can do, and hope for the best. And that's why at my last job I was so stressed: I was always having to take out fires. And then, because of rushing, have to take out fires that were caused by trying to take out the previous fires. Of course, that's life. But that's how I get through the day: doing the best that I can.
And look what happens: I get to be the bad guy that has to tell my own superior how to do her job.
I guess I can't get everyone to like me.
Well, okay, FOR ME, there is always one complaint.
I do enjoy this job. Trust me, after my fiasco with my last job this job is heaven. I do wish that I was full time, but I have as much hours as I could to be full time. My attorney boss is an amazing woman. And the people that I work with are great to be around. I'm actually bonding with some of them over Weight Watchers.
I guess what truly bugs me is the fact that I have to be the bad guy. I've been told at my many other jobs that I am very observant, and I catch a lot of things that most people would not notice. It's a trait that has helped me in the three years of law. It will still be very handy when it comes to my library studies. The thing is that when I work with those who are completely oblivious, it's hard to not be the bad guy. The one that always foils the plans because I point out something that won't work. I am human and I do make mistakes on certain things, but I am always the one that points out the bad things that my time sharing partner or my supervisor will do.
Example: this Friday I was going through the Orders that were signed by the Judge. Policy is that we send the orders to our clients then close it and put it in our bottom cabinet drawer. Well, there was one folder that I couldn't find. Usually we put the files that still need signatures on the top shelf of our desk (Our = Jennifer (time sharing partner) and me. Yes, we share the same name). I couldn't find this particular one. I thought, "Oh, maybe we put it back on the active shelf by accident." Looked. Not there. Then I thought, "Oh, this may be a duplicate! Maybe it has already been closed!" I looked, and there it was! Now, of course the Anal Person in me had to check to make sure this was right. I mean, it doesn't hurt to check.
Apparently it does in my world. I found out that my time sharing partner closed the case with the wrong order. The order was for another financial institution. Not our's. And, of course, being the one that likes to point out mistakes (I was the pain in the ass that said, "Teacher! Teacher!" when I found a mistake), I went to Mary (my boss) and said, "Look!" Now, any boss would then go to my supervisor (my time sharing partner's aunt, mind you) and say, "Hey, this shouldn't be. Let's make sure we don't do this." Or maybe say, "Just to let you know, we don't keep these. We should really throw them away, unless I say so."
Not my boss. My wonderful, sweet boss said, "Oh, that is disturbing. You better tell Jasmin (my supervisor) this. Make sure she knows that we shouldn't keep these, and not to do this again."
Now I know Jasmin isn't that big of a fan of me. I mean, I'm the one that is slowly overpowering her niece's half of the job. Of course, it would help if she actually participated in the job. But I'm the one that took over the rest of Friday. The one that is slowly getting more responsibilities. I can't help it; I'm a perfectionist and must be good at my job. So, resentment ensues. So the fact that I then have to tell her things that I point out, instead of having the backing of Mary, just makes it worse.
I am the bad guy. And I just don't want to be. If I was in a managing position, then that would be all right. That would be part of my job. But I'm not that. I am an office mongrel at the bottom of the food chain. It's Jennifer and me, Jasmin, then Mary. It shouldn't be that I have to tell Jasmin what to do for her job. Just like I really shouldn't be telling my own equal that she needs to do her job (i.e. call our clients, set up telephonic appearences, making sure all motions get equal attention). That should be Jasmin's job. Just like pointing out errors that were found should be Mary's job.
This is the one and only time that I curse my observation skills. I don't want to be the bad guy. I just want to do my job and do it right. The thing is if I stop observing and stop pointing out things, our law firm loses money because we're not catching our mistakes. These are not tiny, insignificant mistakes. These are the ones that set back our ability to give our client the upmost care. Like today: we got a notice from the court that said our motion is being sent back because one of our documents had the wrong client on it. Guess who found that?
*points to self*
And when I was showing Jasmin, she said, "What, what is wrong? I don't see it?" I had to go to the document that had the wrong client name, then move to the next document that had the right client and point at it. It took her five minutes to realize it. I really am not exaggerating, it took her five minutes and me saying, "We put the wrong client in the document" for her to get it.
*sigh*
The thing is, Jasmin is not stupid. Jennifer is not stupid. Just...not as observant. And they're both so rushed when it comes to things. And I've learned that you can't rush things. If you rush, you make horrible mistakes. I've done pretty bad mistakes at this job because of rushing. You have to take your time, do the best that you can do, and hope for the best. And that's why at my last job I was so stressed: I was always having to take out fires. And then, because of rushing, have to take out fires that were caused by trying to take out the previous fires. Of course, that's life. But that's how I get through the day: doing the best that I can.
And look what happens: I get to be the bad guy that has to tell my own superior how to do her job.
I guess I can't get everyone to like me.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Why?
So tonight (or I guess last night since it is 3:30 in the morning right now), I went out with someone from my Bi Women's group. We're getting to know each other, and I seemed to enjoy her company the times I've seen her. So, I figured, why not? She's slowly coming out of her shell, and I wanted to help her out. It also didn't hurt that I thought she was gorgeous and wanted to get to know more of her mind. She wanted to go to The Lexington because she was there on Wednesday and wanted to try to flirt with someone. She even made me promise to help her out with hitting on someone.
When we went there though she was starting to clam up. And I understand completely why she didn't want to. I didn't even want to, but I ended up doing it anyway. Of course I stumbled and fell and it was funny. But I made a promise that I didn't want to break. And over dinner I got to know her even more and I am absolutely fascinated with her. She is smart, easy to talk to, and is enjoyable to hang around. I can drink with her, but still be able to talk about political issues. Let me just say, I was having a hard time not to think of her as a possibility.
Now, we kind of ventured into that topic while we were at BART waiting for the Millbrae train. She was talking about how she always gets hit on or looked at, but never asked out. So I told her that if she wasn't in group I would have asked her out. It really was an excuse. I just said that because I didn't want to get embarrassed when she said, "Ew, no." Hence why I added "but you're in group..." And through out the whole entire evening she kept giving me the friend vibe. Only friend. Only friend. Only friend.
So let me tell you it was surprised when we finished the movie we were watching with my parents (long story...) and she says, "By the way, the reason why I wasn't flirting with anyone tonight because I was interested in you." And then walked away.
Now, any normal person would have just said "Woah" and closed the door.
You do realize you're talking about me, right? Of course I had to follow her out on the driveway in the freezing cold and say, "What? What do you mean?" and then it followed that my stupid comment about being in group is the reason why she was running away and then when I said, "We will definitely have to talk about this" she said, "No, because now I'm not going to answer any of your phone calls..." And then she got into her car. And I'm walking away realizing 1. shouldn't have done that and 2. feeling really confused and stupid. I mean, the girl had to quickly run in flat clickity-clak shoes!
I'm feeling really, really stupid right now. I wish I was a normal person so that this never happened to me. And I never said that comment of her being in group, and hence why I never hit on her. And I wish I never followed her outside to her car and kept asking her about it.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Welcome to my world. And now I can't sleep. When I was exhausted and wanted to just sleep: she tells me that she's interested in me, and now I can't sleep. Because I am a moron. And maybe a little wasted.
Dumb. I am dumb.
When we went there though she was starting to clam up. And I understand completely why she didn't want to. I didn't even want to, but I ended up doing it anyway. Of course I stumbled and fell and it was funny. But I made a promise that I didn't want to break. And over dinner I got to know her even more and I am absolutely fascinated with her. She is smart, easy to talk to, and is enjoyable to hang around. I can drink with her, but still be able to talk about political issues. Let me just say, I was having a hard time not to think of her as a possibility.
Now, we kind of ventured into that topic while we were at BART waiting for the Millbrae train. She was talking about how she always gets hit on or looked at, but never asked out. So I told her that if she wasn't in group I would have asked her out. It really was an excuse. I just said that because I didn't want to get embarrassed when she said, "Ew, no." Hence why I added "but you're in group..." And through out the whole entire evening she kept giving me the friend vibe. Only friend. Only friend. Only friend.
So let me tell you it was surprised when we finished the movie we were watching with my parents (long story...) and she says, "By the way, the reason why I wasn't flirting with anyone tonight because I was interested in you." And then walked away.
Now, any normal person would have just said "Woah" and closed the door.
You do realize you're talking about me, right? Of course I had to follow her out on the driveway in the freezing cold and say, "What? What do you mean?" and then it followed that my stupid comment about being in group is the reason why she was running away and then when I said, "We will definitely have to talk about this" she said, "No, because now I'm not going to answer any of your phone calls..." And then she got into her car. And I'm walking away realizing 1. shouldn't have done that and 2. feeling really confused and stupid. I mean, the girl had to quickly run in flat clickity-clak shoes!
I'm feeling really, really stupid right now. I wish I was a normal person so that this never happened to me. And I never said that comment of her being in group, and hence why I never hit on her. And I wish I never followed her outside to her car and kept asking her about it.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Welcome to my world. And now I can't sleep. When I was exhausted and wanted to just sleep: she tells me that she's interested in me, and now I can't sleep. Because I am a moron. And maybe a little wasted.
Dumb. I am dumb.
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