What I Miss the Most on Weight Watchers...

I miss eating.

Not that I don't eat on Weight Watchers. I eat plenty. I eat really good-for-me food that fills the stomach and not gain extra poundage.

I just miss eating simply without worry of points and calories and wondering whether it would be healthier to eat another option.

I miss biting into garlic bread and not thinking, "Oops, I think I am going to regret this later in points value."

What I don't miss? Feeling guilty when I eat food. I didn't realize how horrible a relationship I had with food until I thought about joining Weight Watchers. Whenever I ate lots of food and felt extremely full, I felt guilty for eating. Or when I ate wonderfully rich chocolate cake, I would feel absolutely happy and wonder, "Why can't I feel this in life?"

On Sunday, I ate a third of a Chocolate Lava Cake. I budgeted, knew that I would have to use some of my flex points. And I didn't feel guilty. I felt great. I thought, "Hey, I didn't eat it all. I had my sister and dad helping me out. I didn't want to eat it all in one sitting. I ate it. Enjoyed it. And didn't eat it all." This has been the first time I did not feel guilty after eating chocolate.

I don't miss that feeling at all.

I don't miss feeling like a failure every time I bite into carbs.

I don't miss the feeling of being overstuffed and not able to think of moving.

I don't miss the feeling of being so lethargic that I can't do what I want to do.

I don't miss that feeling.

So, yes, I do miss eating garlic bread without feeling a little uneasy about my Points allowance. And I do miss eating without thinking of points and calories. But it is worth worrying about calories and Points then feeling that bad about food. And if this finally gets me to be okay with food, then this will be all worth it in the end.

Because for the first time ever, I actually reached for an apple for a snack. And felt satisfied. No guilt. No need for happiness. Just simply satisfied.

It felt great.