The Journey of Me

I miss being close to someone. Not in a sexual way, but in a friendly way. It used to be okay to have best friends, to have someone so close to you that it was hard to imagine a life without that person. When you are young, you don't have to worry about these things called boundaries and rules and regulations. You were just someone's friend, and you were so close that you can read their minds sometimes.

I miss that.

As we grow older, these boundaries and lines start to form. I think of them more as walls. Even though marriage is a great thing, it does make it harder to stay close. Husbands/wives become the best friends, and the other best friend is still there...just not as close.

Of course, normal life stands that the best friends goes out and finds his/her own partner to share that adult bond and not miss that childhood closeness.

But there are people like me that are not lucky like that. I have already found my other half: me. But it gets lonely when every friend that has come is slowly pulled away because of normal life. I can't expect people to be as retarded as I am with the real world.

And so I miss my bonds. I miss the ability to sense when a friend is so completely down that they don't have to tell me. I miss being able to cuddle with a friend and not worry about social etiquette. I didn't have to worry if the friend felt uncomfortable because she thinks that I will want more (of course, that makes me wish that I was back in the closet). I miss just calling up a friend and telling them stories of what happened that day. Or just talking. There was once a time when I could pick up the phone and be able to have someone on the line.

But we were kids, without those boundaries and walls to hold us back. In the end, those connections we developed go away and never come back and I have to expect that. People get married, have kids, and slowly fade out those friends that just don't make sense. I have to expect that.

It just gets damn lonely sometimes.