WTH

So today was not the best day. And since no one at work knows about this blog (and I made sure Facebook will not automatically update it to my wall), I can freely rant and rave.

See that picture? Yeah. That's how my boss treats me. It is either sugary requests like "Could you please take time out of your busy schedule to to help me with [fill in whatever ridiculous thing she wants me to do to sacrifice my graduate school time]" or the above example.  I am sorry. You want me to help you out or you want me to leave? Because this picture suggests you want the ONLY WORKER THAT CAN DO THE JOB RIGHT to leave. Without me, you would be fucking up left and right. I am the ONLY WORKER that doesn't leave in the middle of the day for lunch. I am the ONLY WORKER that is willing to go all the way to help your law firm. But apparently I don't think. I am too stupid for you. Forget the fact that I catch almost all of your workers' (AND YOUR'S) errors. Oh, forget that. I just don't think. You and others, they were being human. I? I wasn't thinking.

What the picture doesn't show is the fact that I prepared the whole entire document from scratch. I was told to prep that document based on a case that we used to have (which, by the way, I remembered...because I am the only one that has a good memory). I converted it to the case that we were handling now, using the numbers and the correct information that I had. But when you have been doing paperwork all day (I was given this at 2:30 p.m.) and haven't eaten much...you miss things. You know, I am human. I make mistakes. So, I missed a little bit about the breakdown of payments. That's why people review the paperwork: to make sure there are no mistakes. It does not warrant you to write that. It wasn't that you had to cross out the whole entire document and wanted me do it all over again. You crossed out two lines that I missed. Because, heaven forbid, I forget sections! I am not thinking! DEAR GOD, CALL THE COPS JENNIFER ISN'T THINKING BECAUSE SHE MISSED TWO LINES ON A 20 LINE PLEADING PAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that wasn't the half of it. That was what broke the camel's back. Earlier that day, I was minding my own business. I was working, like most people do when they are at work. The thing is that the front area gets along with each other. While we work on dreary legal work, we do talk. Anyway, I was silently working on my motions when my coworker Renee asked me a question. I answered, but I kept going with my work. And then my other coworker Jasmin asked me a question, and I was trying to answer her question when Mary came up to me (not to the group but to ME) and said "You need to quiet down."

Okay...seriously? I was asked a question. I answered. That's what normal human beings do. Unlike my counterpart, I don't ignore people. I acknowledge that they asked a question and I answer. That is why people like me there: I am nice and I actually talk. And I was not loud at all. I was not screaming. I was softly (and that's a miracle) singing a song when she yelled at me. What also annoys me is that it wasn't directed to the group, "Hey, I am working on something could you guys be a little quieter?" it was "You need to be more quiet." Ummmmmmm...not the ONLY ONE HERE...why are you singling me out?

I am not sure what is going on. I have a feeling that this is punishment for my standing up to her. I also asked for more time off at work. Instead of a full Friday, I am only coming in half days in the afternoon. This is all for my school. This is not to go goof off or lie around in laziness. I need it for school. Because, in the end, school is more important than this job. School = Career = NO LAW. School also = NO LAWYERS. I was getting overwhelmed in school, so I stood up and said, "Enough." And I don't think she likes it. Heaven forbid that I don't do more for this bloody job.

It just doesn't make sense. She praises and rewards laziness (i.e. my coworkers), but she punishes those that are doing the work. I work hard (maybe too hard in my opinion) to help her out with the work. Every day, I strive to get that inbox manageable for the next person. And every workday I come in and find nothing done. Stories of how the other Jennifer had left right after Mary left. Talk about how things were returned or not done because...mysteries abound. Today was no different. I come in and there is a note from Mary that says the other Jennifer left a message with one of the courts and didn't leave any information about the case. So who knows what she is talking about. Also, a stipulation filed wasn't filed correctly because she didn't file an order with the stipulation. How long have you worked here? Haven't you figured it out that when you file a stipulation YOU FILE AN ORDER?????? The only reason why we won't file an order is if the case is a Chapter 11, but this obviously was NOT a Chapter 11. (Of course, you guys wouldn't know that...but it was obvious). But, of course, because I am the observant one and brings it to her attention I am the one that gets the brunt of it all. Although I wasn't the one that filed the paperwork, I get the brunt of it. I am the one that doesn't think. So maybe I won't bring things to her attention in the future. Obviously it only brings the pain to me, not to the person responsible for the nonsense.

It is obvious that I am not dumb. I do think. I think everyday at work. I know more about my job than the person that is supposed to be my supervisor who reviews our paperwork. I know and think more than my counterpart. But, to her? I don't think. I am dumb.

What doesn't help is that I have no advocates at work. Not true advocates. Jasmin, no matter how much we get along, will always fight for her niece. The people that do like me have no say when it comes to my boss. I mean, shoot, I think Jasmin is gunning for me too. Friday is Good Friday and the other law firms are leaving an hour and a half early. Jasmin told me that since I come in the afternoon that because everyone is leaving early might as well not come in. I asked her if Mary thought that was okay. She said yes. She also said that Mary was leaving that Thursday afternoon, and that it is usually quiet on Friday so might as well. She said it was a waste of three hours. Luckily, I said something about not coming in on Friday in front of Mary and she said, "No, I need you to come in on Friday". I made sure she knew that I had no idea, that I asked Jasmin if it was okay with her...but I don't know. Again, although I was innocent in all these matters, I am dealt with the brunt of her wrath. I am the bad person that doesn't want to work. When I am more than willing to come in if she needs me on Friday afternoon. That is my normally scheduled hours. I was just told not to come in by Jasmin, and she confirmed that Mary was okay with it. But whatever.

I have been trying so hard to bite my tongue about all this. I would like to say so many things to her, but I know that I can't if I want to keep my job. Shoot, I wish I could leave this job and find a better one...but life does not present itself with another option. I have to bite my tongue another year and a half before I can finally find another job that involves library services. Until then, I can only shake this all off (by ranting it all out and listening to angry music) and just move on to the next day. I just hope that on Friday I don't have to see her. Because I don't think one day will get over this rudeness. I think a whole entire weekend will have to pass before I can calm down. Because, I'm sorry, but you don't question my intelligence. You don't. You can make fun of my exterior, you can pick on my silliness, you can even pick on my math skills. But if you question my intelligence in total? Be prepared to get a verbal kick in the ass. Because I have had to work hard to prove my intelligence. I may be lazy, but I am not dumb. I do think. I think every day, every minute, every second. I think of how libraries can evolve into amazing systems of information and knowledge. I think of how our world could be incredibly better if we enacted certain political theories. I think of so many things.

Don't try to tell me that I don't think. Or I will show you many examples of when you DON'T think.