While perusing the Craigslist's women seeking women page, I found a very nice posting. Of course, that is a rare thing because most of the time, these cliquey lesbian sluts are always wanting to know where you are hanging, where you want to meet up for some nookie, or where you hang your hat on the proverbial Kinsey scale. So when you read a very nice post of someone that truly connects with you, you have to answer it. Of course, there is a small percentage that the person will write you back and then want to meet up with you.
I was the lucky percentile.
Now, I didn't have much hope for this tea date (we met at a tea bar in Oakland, so it wasn't truly a coffee date, but still). I figured, we may clash. We may have those very awkward silences. She may be weird. She may think me weird (which is always the case). But I figured it would be fun to go out on a limb to do, and see where it goes.
Let me tell you, I have not talked to someone for almost two hours straight in a very long time. There were barely any silences. When there were pauses, it was because we were busy chewing pistachio nuts or mochi. And let me tell you, she's smart. She is amazingly smart. Maybe smarter then me. And she is interracial, which is what got us going for a pretty long time. And did I tell you that she is smart and well-read? And gorgeous. She is absolutely gorgeous.
Of course, we couldn't stay at the tea bar forever. She had to go to a movie with her brother. But it was hard to not stop talking. We exchanged numbers. She walked me to my car. Then I may have been a little weird because I can never know how to end a conversation. We hugged (because I'm weird and said I was a huggy person). Then said we should do this again. Then she walked away.
But because I am me, I am freaking out. I am remembering parts of the conversation that I thought I sounded extremely stupid or unknowledgeable. Remembering parts where I was probably giving off my Weirdo vibes. And then I think, "Maybe she was too polite to stop the conversation." Or maybe she was just being nice when she asked for my number. Maybe...oh my, how my brain plays tricks on me.
So now I am in limbo. Should I call her? When should I call her? When should we do this again? My weekends will be non-stop for the next three weeks. Should we meet on the week? Should we meet at all? Should we exchange emails even though we have our phone numbers? What is the next step? I've never gone this far!
Help!
The travails and gallavantings of an Asian queer lady who loves to read, write, and create havoc.
2 comments:
I am the last person to give relationship advice :P, but I say wait a few days then send an email or call? Let me know what you decide to do.
first of all - yay for a good date!
but, as for advice:
i say just calm down...you have a habit of freaking out over first dates...and that's a drama queen type thing to do...and drama queen isn't you. you are level headed and sure of what you want...so don't fall into the trap of "omg, what is this??? what are we??? what do I do???"
so just take a deep breath and contact her when you feel ready to. an email tomorrow or tuesday would be fine. send her an email and just say "just wanted to thank you again for a great time on Sunday...hope you had a great time too."
That way you don't sound too desperate, you're not asking directly for a second date and it's more like a "thank you" note. But don't make it anything more than a simple thank you.
Adam even said it would be safe, if in a week or so you haven't set up a second date then maybe you should ask. contacting the person shortly after the date to chat is fine...seeming desperate for a second date isn't.
and yes, you can meet up during the week (bitch about work or whatever). dates don't have to be weekend things...getting to know a person involves knowing them at all times. you want to know what this person is like after a day at work, after a good day, after a bad day...not just what they are like after they have rested up and spent time being alone. they need to know those things about you too.
if you sit and stress and freak out about this, you will never enjoy it! just enjoy the fact that you had a great date with a girl who doesn't make you want to run for the hills!
and if you can't make your schedules work for the next couple of weeks then just talk on the phone and email - you've had a great first meeting and now you actually have the chance to get to know someone before the real dating starts!
deep breathe: in, now out...keep doing that and you'll survive!
*hugs*
and again: i'm SOOOOO glad you went on a good date!
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