My Love Life

The best symbol to describe my love life is a circular labyrinth. I'm always trying to figure out how to get to the middle where I will reach enlightenment. Or the big centaur that will eat me. I am always continuously going up and then down through mazes. Of course, it is not fruitless. I always learn things on the way as I solve one puzzle at a time. I just never get to my destination.

This time around I thought I may have found a little respite. Not the grand prize, but maybe a little sanctuary on the way. But once I was going up, of course I had to go down. I'm not sure if it was me or her, but it's been a frustrating week.

I might have been a little "clingy". When it comes to my interest, I like to get to know someone. And in order to get to know someone I like to poke them or write to them in email or want to know what they are up to. I don't want to be around them all the time, but I like some contact. I may have smothered her, but at least I wasn't calling her two million times in a day. I actually didn't do that at all. But I could see why I may have been a little...clingy.

But at the same time, she shouldn't have said she was interested to then run to the hills. From the very beginning, she was always running. When she told me she was interested, she then ran away and wouldn't talk about it until the next day. Then when we decided to see where it would go, wouldn't the obvious thought be to get to know the person? But it was the opposite for her: she then removed herself away from the situation and then kept me at a distance. I think she even insinuated to me on Facebook to leave her alone (of course, it could be my brain saying it, but it really feels like she meant "Go away, not interested anymore!"). Even when I finally broke down and text messaged her about the email I sent her, she said she didn't check her emails and it is probably there. Then no response. Nothing. Hmmm, I may be slow but that definitely tells me that she's not interested.

So again, I am where I was before. Maybe a little bit more knowledgeable, but still at the same curve of my labyrinth. I am actually really liking this spot. It feels normal and comfortable. I'm not lonely and I'm not unhappy. I am happy with where I am. I don't need to be with someone in order to be with someone. I do wish that I could get to the center of my maze, but in the end I would rather be happy then figure out what is in the middle.

And, really, it may end up being a big centaur that will eat me up. And you and I wouldn't want that.

Edit: Oh my, an email can change everything. This is all confusing...but then again, most things are confusing...

We will see what will happen what the labyrinth will give this time.